[TOEFL][Writing] TEST 6 Correction

[Q1]
- My essay

The reading passage suggests the primary reason of the difficulty of going Mars as a human being, providing three assertions to support this claim. However, the man in the listening dispute this ideas, presenting three direct counterarguments.

Fistly, he contests that dust on Mars could be significantly harmful for both human and elctonic devices, as posited in the reading passage. By using sound wave technology, we can prevent the risk that dusts damage respiratory organs and advanced technologies. So he believes that we could mange the risk from dust.  

Secondly, he challenges that long space trip could cause mental and psychological illnesess, as suggested in the reading passage. Before going Mars, astronauts take high intensity of mental management education and set exact purpose of that trip. Also counselling system would be implement during flight, so he doesn't think these problem will a big matter.

Lastly, he repudiates the idea regaring the human space flight to Mars spends higly expensive costs compared to robot's. He cites International space center as an example where human being already cooperated and managed space flight costs for sake of human being. Therefore he is qutie sure, along with international harmony, relatively high costs would be managed by common mission for human being's future. 

 

- Correction*

The reading passage suggests the primary reason for the difficulty of human travel to Mars, providing three assertions to support this claim. However, the speaker in the listening disputes these ideas, presenting three direct counterarguments.

Firstly, he contests that dust on Mars could be significantly harmful for both humans and electronic devices, as posited in the reading passage. He suggests that by using sound wave technology, we can prevent dust from damaging respiratory organs and advanced technologies. Therefore, he believes we could manage the risk posed by dust.

 

Secondly, he challenges the assertion that long space trips could cause mental and psychological illnesses as suggested in the reading passage. He points out that before traveling to Mars astronauts undergo intensive mental health training and establish clear objectives for their mission. A counseling system would also be implemented during flight; thus he doesn't believe these problems will pose significant issues.

 

Lastly, he repudiates the idea that human space flight to Mars incurs higher costs compared to robotic missions. He cites International Space Station as an example where humans have already cooperated to manage space flight costs for humanity's benefit. Therefore he is quite sure that with international cooperation relatively high costs can be managed towards a common mission for humanity's future.

 

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[Q2]

- My essay (4.0)
The question of wherther media outlet shoud focus on audience entertainment or not is an intriguing topic that has sparked heat dabates. Amanda holds the view that news or reports might be more informatvie when these are combined with entertaining factors for people.  While I agree to a certain extent, I strongly believe that even if contents of these media coud be tedious,  it would be much better when they are objective.

Therefore, my view aligns with Matthew's view that. When news and reports start to only concentrate on people's joy, some people would be also start to doubt the contents they offer. Moreover, If politcions use these tools to attract people who are not interested in politics, people could be attracted easily by wrong informations. So It would be disasterous when people only focus on entertainment.   

 

- Correction (5.0)

The question of whether media outlets should focus on audience entertainment or not is an intriguing topic that has sparked heated debates. Amanda holds the view that news or reports might be more informative when combined with entertaining elements for people. While I agree to a certain extent, I strongly believe that even if the content of these media can be tedious, it would be much better if they remain objective.

 

Therefore, my view aligns with Matthew's opinion. When news and reports start to concentrate solely on people's enjoyment, some audience members may begin to doubt the veracity of the content offered. Moreover, if politicians use these tools to attract people who are not typically interested in politics, individuals could easily fall prey to misinformation. Thus, it would be disastrous if people focus only on entertainment.